Accident Waiting To Happen

I was driving to work this morning and I look at the car next to me.

Theres some crazy ass guy with a cat crawling around his car.

And not just crawling around, crawling through his steering wheel, on the dashboard blocking his vision.

Needless to say I missed my exit, because I was too busy wondering why the fuck this guy had a cat loose in his car.

That's an accident waiting to happen if I've ever seen one, if not by him, then by me staring because I'm so confused.

Somebody call the animal rights activists!

Santa

I realize it's almost 2 months after Christmas,

but does anyone else find Santa creepy?

To me there's just something very wrong with a fat man coming down my chimney.

Well I don't even have a chimney and it creeps me out.

I don't like strangers in my house.

The whole idea of Santa is absurd anyways.

Santa killed Jesus, didn't he? Well that's just a whole different subject.

And he's just an asshole anyways, because when he puts coal in my stocking that crap gets everywhere. It's nearly impossible to have a clean house after that.

Maybe Santa just creeps me out because when I was growing up my brother told me if I ever saw his face he would come after me with a chainsaw.

And well, to be honest, chainsaws scare me.

Motivation

You know whats a great source of motivation in life

Procrastination

You'll find if you procrastinate, you'll be motivated to get something done very quickly

Works every time...

Tip of the Day

This suggestion is courtesy of Eli

Maybe when your sending email, if you glare really hard, the person receiving the email will know how pissed you really are...

Fire Dancers

What is it in a person that makes them want to become a fire dancer?
Honestly, when your 5 years old do you say "Mommy when I grow up I want to dance around naked and light myself on fire!"

I mean come on, I can understand dancing around naked because I know all of you do this in your bedroom when no ones looking.
But lighting yourself on fire?
What is it that inspired you to light yourself on fire everyday and call this your career?
Seriously, lend me some insight!

Mother Goose

So today Fylicia sent me this picture of what I'm guessing what was mother goose.

Honestly if I ever saw something like that in real life I'd turn and run the other way.

Its not at all comforting.

Why do kids like mother goose?

Her story's are lame.

I mean, come on, humpty dumpty couldn't be put back together again!

How is that comforting to a child?

All I know is if I was walking down the street and saw a giant goose walking down the street with grandma glasses on, it wouldn't bring joy to me.

I'd more likely kick it in the shin and run the other way.

I mean even real geese are mean, I got bit by one as a kid.

Asshole.

Edit: Fylicia just made a good point...

Do geese have shins? My educated guess would be no, but I am no goose expert.

I think I just like kicking people in the shins in general,

but if it was a person in a goose costume, I will for sure find a shin.

It Begins..

This is a blog about me and my friends sick humor

The things I see on a daily basis, that strike me as odd

and the strange things I ponder about while trying to occupy my time

And to set the record straight from the beginning...

... yes, I am that asshole.